I am 1.5/10 worried about my surgery. I am confident the surgery will go well. I am confident that removing the tumor is the best decision. It is growing at a nice clip and needs to be clipped. The removal will be perfect. My brain surgeon is great, after all, he is a brain surgeon, duh!

I am already experiencing word loss, aphasia. It can happen at any moment mid-sentence. I am 8/10 worried about scar tissue and the possibility it will exacerbate my aphasia. Will I be the same person after the surgery. The brain is so complex with so many pathways – I can’t know the exact outcome, and it makes me feel lack of control over my being. Who will I be? I just have to surrender myself to the reality that this has been a strange experience and whatever will be will be.

I am 5/10 worried about my movement disorders. I know that my movement neurologist will manage my symptoms as well as possible. I have faith in the treatment process, but the change to scar tissue worries me. My dystonia is painful and moves around my body. The pathways frequently change. The patterns of my dystonic storms change. More and more of the physical me is affected as time goes on. My eyes, my cheeks, my entire cervical area. Under my scapulas. In my back. In my butt. My right hamstring, calf and other muscles are mis-aligning my patellar tendon (knee cap). I could whine about my entire body, but this will be managed and I will learn how to be me, however I need to.

I am 0/10 worried about my family loving me and supporting me.

I am 0/10 worried about my wonderful friends loving and supporting me.

I am 0/10 worried about the care I will receive post-surgery.

I am 8/10 worried about becoming a heavy burden. That’s the hardest thought to cope with.